Today you will be introduced to the #fainful tag via a banana flambé.

Stay with me.

I love theatrical events and the “flare” of things. The pizzazz, the “wow”, the show of it all. I love being entertained and immersing myself in the experience, event, illusion, movie, book, or whatever the “thing” is.

I also love food.

One of my favourite memories of one of my first eat-out dates as an adult (and living on my own) was going out to the Mongolian Grill in Vancouver - at least I think it was the Mongolian Grill - it was a loooong time ago. We got to choose every component of our dishes - including the sauce(s) - before handing them off to the chef and watching them cook everything to order. Grabbing our food and then sitting and eating and chatting and laughing for hours. That’s my jam. I know the “choose your own food” is standard fast food fare nowadays, but it wasn’t at the time.

Also, not sure it was a date or just an evening out with a great and attractive friend - I was the worst at discerning those things.

Anyways.

Years ago, when my ex-wife and I were out for dinner, we were delving into some pretty heavy stuff. Like the kind of stuff that probably should not have been discussed in public, but this is where she choose to unpack it, so I tried to meet her where she was at.

While I was on my journey of self discovery and understanding, I didn’t have the language to explain my brain or the helpful framework of neurodivergency.

She had just begun to share some deeply intense and personal things when I noticed in my peripheral vision a cart being pushed to a table behind her. On it was a portable element, a sauté pan, and some neatly arranged ingredients. The server had a towel over their arm and they spun the cart into place alongside the table of the couple, who were clearly on a date. I was working really, really hard at maintaining eye contact (which can be difficult for me as I often focus better when I don’t have eye contact) and doing some active listening. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the server ignite the gas element, add a pat of butter to the pan and start swirling. I could hear the sizzle of the butter and then watched as the brown sugar was sprinkled on top. In a few moments the bananas were added. Then there was a dusting of what I assumed to be cinnamon, and then the server grabbed the bottle of rum.

It was at this point I realized I could either watch this food theatre OR be present and listen to what she was sharing. I wanted to respect and honour what she was in the process of being super vulnerable with, so not reeeeeeaally thinking things through I said “I’m sorry to interrupt and I’m pretty sure they’re making a banana flambé behind you and I would like to watch it so can you pause for a sec?”

Yes.

I said that.

For real.

She stopped and I was absolutely enthralled by the banana flambé process, smelled the smells, watched the flame, and was intensely jealous of the experience that couple was having. With my curiosity satisfied and my mouth watering, I turned my attention back to her. She was, understandably, absolutely shut down and I slowly started to realize what I had done. I am not always the quickest learner. It was with intense effort she reengaged (massive kudos to her) and later told me she had been infinitely close to walking out of the restaurant. I’m surprised she didn’t as she had ever right and reason to.

Once we had worked through why what I did was really bad for her, it became one of our “things”. When she would notice me being distracted (or what I would probably phrase now as having another landing pad for my attention), she (or I) would say “Banana Flambé, BANANA FLAMBÉ”.

Lol.

Both a funny and a super painful memory.

#fainful

Posted on February 1, 2025   #100     #learnings     #yupididthat     #fainful