Somewhere along the way, 40 at 40 became a thing. I’m not talking Jose Canseco, I’m talking about things (aka life lessons) you’ve learned by 40. Not sure how I came across it, but several of my buddies did it with me and it was fascinating. Writing it out was quite eye-opening. It turns out, I’ve learned a lot of lessons, I just don’t often remember or implement them - lol.

Here they are, in no particular order:

• Don’t speed-run grief, change or love.
• Get a therapist.
  
• Allow things to die.
• Sleep is more important than you think it is. Nap.
• Trust is a scale, not binary.
• Ride shotgun with, and for, people.
  
• Try new things.
• Get a pet.
• You rarely know when the last time is the last time, enjoy the moments.
• It’s ok to have fun. Learn what makes you happy and fills you with laughter and joy. Spend time there.
• Laughter really is great medicine. Laugh with, not at people. Don’t laugh at people’s questions, no matter how stupid you think it is. When people share their passions, don’t laugh or mock. Ever. No matter what those are.
• Learn how to listen and ask questions. Don’t ask questions you’re not willing to listen to the answer to.
  
• Hold things with an open hand.
• Assumptions are different than judgements. Don’t do either.
  
• Everybody is going through some form of sh!&, some people just cleanup better than others.
• It is very, very, very, very rare for something to be as important, critical, or urgent as it seems to be.
• Be kind. There’s a difference between being kind and being nice.
• You can feel multiple feelings at the same time. They don’t minimize or negate each other.
  
• You never will fully know the impact you have on people. A casual “great job” may stick for years and an essay of “brilliant thoughts” instantly discarded.
  
• You can’t (and won’t) take it with you. Spend time contemplating death, it offers good perspective.
  
• The number one thing you can invest in is relationships. Tell your friends why you love them. Say it often. Share good thoughts you have about people or the things you notice freely and frequently.
  
• You always have a choice. Saying yes to something means you’re saying no to something else. Understand what you’re saying no to and weigh your decisions - all choices have consequences. It’s ok to change your mind.
• Waiting or doing nothing is doing something.
• No is a complete sentence and it is often helpful to give some context.
• Get advice from trusted and wise people. Then measure it carefully. Never stop reading proverbs. Every day. Even if you don’t get it. Every day.
• Become at peace (aka don’t be afraid) with appearing foolish.
• It’s ok if you’re not ready.
• Change is inevitable; enjoy things, people, time and places. Learn how to do change well.
• Hug as often and as much as you can.
• Unless asked or unless you’ve spent considerable time measuring your words and understanding the situation, be cautious with criticism/feedback.
• Leave space for people to change. Don’t be angry or bitter if they don’t. You can only change yourself.
• Peoples’ actions, not their words, are what matters.
• Words matter, wield them carefully.
  
• You need to understand yourself before you can understand or help others. The things that irritate you about other people are a mirror to your own issues and actions.
• Create. Read and write poetry. Draw. Paint. Craft. Journal daily. You don’t have to show it to anybody, just get it out. Embrace the flow.
• Know how and when to quit.
  
• You won’t see what all the sh!& you’re dealing with is fertilizing. Don’t quit because it’s difficult, challenging or on your growth edge.
  
• Find something or someone to give service to.
  
• Help others when you can; asking for help yourself is not a weakness.
• Learn how to be alone.
  
• Embrace silence and the gifts it has for you; silence in situations or conversations while sometimes uncomfortable and awkward, can often be beneficial.
• Prayer and meditation aren’t what you think they are. Spend time deeply in both.
• Breath is so so important. Learn how to do all types properly. Taking a deep breath and counting to 10 slowly applies to a lot of situations.
• Learn how to apologize properly. This is easily missed.
• Have integrity. Do what you say and say what you’ll do. The only person you will have to live with the rest of your life is yourself so be able to look yourself in the mirror. Get to know and love yourself.
• Somethings things(™) can seem so daunting and overwhelming and big. Break it down to steps and what is the next functional step to go forward. While sometimes helpful, you don’t have to have the whole answer/plan/picture, just the next step. You can’t steer a parked car.
• Don’t be afraid to step up and lead. It’s ok to fail - just make sure you grow from it (i.e. don’t fail foolishly) and have grace for yourself.
• One day, one action, one step at a time. For your dreams and aspirations, is it “One day” or is it “Day one”?

Written: 01/31/25 - 08:31 pm

Posted on January 31, 2025   #40at40     #list     #100